After a much heated debate I think I need to clarify a few things. I am not doing this to tell someone how to live their lives or what is normal and accepted. That is not my intentions at all. It is a complex lifestyle we choose to live and everyone has different comfort zones and preferences. I merely mean to inform people of what ive learned, discovered, experienced and feel. There is a lot of misinformation out there and it is hard to sort through. It is important to identify dangerous behaviour and habits. I know from personal experience that when i came out as a submissive so many people were appalled that i would let someone use and abuse me as they wished. That is not the case and sadly this is often the first conclusion people come too. It is up to you to learn your boundaries and wants and needs. And to communicate this with your partner. I dont think fear and ignorance nor cruelty should ever be part of any relationship, regardless of the nature. Hopefully I cleared this up for everyone.