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It is important to identify what your hard limits are before engaging in anything. My own hard limits are really the most extreme situations possible
in a BDSM scenario. Make sure that your Dom understands your hard limits and why you dislike them or why they are harmful to you.
As i mentioned before i dislike anything that has to do with public humiliation. So that means exhibitionism for me. i like dressing up for Master
and that is it. If He decides to put me on display it is usually in skimpy outfits or slinky dresses on nights out. i battle body image issues all the time
and so i become extremely uncomfortable with the thought of people staring at me.
I have included a list of my hard limits below. Thankfully my Master shares similar hard limits.
2. Any kind of body fluid play ( urine, feces, vomit etc) with the exception of Masters cum.
3. Asphyxiation: i would like to clarify this one somewhat. i am very turned on by cloth gags, a hand around my neck. But i do not enjoy ball gags, masks, plastic bags or nooses. i don’t feel safe engaging in things like this. Some people do.
4. Animal play….i am not a pony
5. Enemas, examinations, stomach pumping. If your not a medical practitioner don’t do it to me.
6. Swinging: i do not mind engaging in threesomes with my Master however i am not to be shared with other men.
This being said my preferences tend to run a little dark. These include:
1. Knife play: when done properly it can be very sexy and thrilling to feel a knife slicing off your panties or a bra strap.
2. Pain. i have a fairly high tolerance for pain. I like whips, paddles, bare hands, chains, riding crops, hot wax. This is what gets me
really turned on and crazy when i am with Master.
3. Rape/ Non Consent. Let me be very specific. I DO NOT CONDONE THIS IN REAL LIFE!! N O MEANS NO! But when i am with Master and this is something
that we have agreed to before i like to be forced to serve Him. To kneel and take Him in my mouth or to feel Him force my legs open and tear
4. Costumes. Pretty much everything and anything
5. Slave. That is what i am to my Master. i don’t necessarily clean and cook. But when i come home i get into something sexy and wait for Him to
decide what He wants to do. Whether that is to fuck me right then and there or wait. Or tease me. He owns me. And with that comes protection, caring and
thoughtfulness on His part. But i serve Him totally. There are very few things i can say no to.
**Make sure that everything is discussed prior to engaging in anything. If you didn’t agree to it or He / She ignores the hard limits you have the right to speak up. This applies to Doms as well. Discuss with your Dom what their hard limits as well and make sure to respect them too.*****
The 1st time we used the ropes is something I’ll never forget. Master had me strip for Him then laid me down on the bed. He ordered me not to move, to remain perfectly still. The ropes felt so soft on my skin. He took His time tying my legs and hands to the bed so that I lay completely spread open in front of Him. He barely touched me and already I was dripping for Him.
When He finished tying the last knot He stood at the foot of the bed and just stared at me. I felt so vulnerable and exposed. It was exhilarating. I flexed against the ropes a little bit. There was no give I was completely at His mercy. Master began to undress, never taking His eyes off me. I yearned to be able to touch Him, to stroke His cock, kiss him. Anything. No matter how much i tried to move or pull the restraints i couldn’t get close. I needed Him. My whole body ached for His touch on my skin, to feel his weight on me. He climbed onto the bed and kneeled between my legs. One finger stroked my clit, making me moan and twist even harder against the restraints. I felt myself grow even more wet, i didn’t even think it was even possible. The grin on His face let me know He could feel my body’s response to Him. And He loved it. He knelt down and began kissing my thighs, working His way up, His tongue slowly caressing the outside of my lips, feeling cold on my hot flesh. I cried out desperately, already begging Him to stop teasing me. He continued to trace His tongue along me, refusing to do the one thing I was begging Him to do. I was dripping for Him, needing Him to fill me, use me, and satisfy my need. Instead He rests Himself on my chest, cock stiff and inviting in front of my face. “Is pet hungry?” He grabbed my hair and pulled my head towards His cock, forcing it past my lips. God this is what i craved, needed. To be His little slut, to serve Him anyway He wanted. His gasps and moans as His cock slide in and out of my mouth only made me more wild and more determined to please Him, to make Him cum all over me. He forced my head down even further, making me gag and choke. That seemed to make Him lose all sense of control. He pulled away and grabbed my hips, roughly pushing His big cock into me. I let out a small cry as He thrust deep into me. Not being able to wrap my legs around Him was driving me insane and I longed to be able to move with Him. But that was not going to happen. He was taking what was His and I couldn’t stop Him. I was His plaything. I began to tense up as i realized i was about to climax and i begged Him not to stop. And then He did “Not yet pet, not until I tell you to” It was torture to resist the sensation that was overwhelming me. He continued to move in me, my body shaking with anticipation. Then those four little words “Cum for me pet”. And i exploded. Waves seemed to crash over me, and i let out a scream as my body spasmed from the force. I was still writhing when my Master pulled out and came all over my face and breasts.
He quickly untied my hands and legs. Picking me up and carried to the bathroom. He turned the shower on and gently cleaned me up. He kissed my wrists where the ropes had chaffed and massaged my shoulders.
Wrapping me in a towel He embraced me and whispered in my ear “Good job kitten, very good job”.
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After a much heated debate I think I need to clarify a few things. I am not doing this to tell someone how to live their lives or what is normal and accepted. That is not my intentions at all. It is a complex lifestyle we choose to live and everyone has different comfort zones and preferences. I merely mean to inform people of what ive learned, discovered, experienced and feel. There is a lot of misinformation out there and it is hard to sort through. It is important to identify dangerous behaviour and habits. I know from personal experience that when i came out as a submissive so many people were appalled that i would let someone use and abuse me as they wished. That is not the case and sadly this is often the first conclusion people come too. It is up to you to learn your boundaries and wants and needs. And to communicate this with your partner. I dont think fear and ignorance nor cruelty should ever be part of any relationship, regardless of the nature. Hopefully I cleared this up for everyone.
Once you have made a decision to become a submissive and enter into a relationship with a Dom it is important to establish what you both want in the relationship.
The number one most important thing to remember is CONSENT CONSENT CONSENT. You need to be made aware of what you are agreeing to and what being His submissive will entail. If you want to be hog tied covered in honey and hit with a cattle prod fine. As long as you agree to it. Contracts are usually the most common form of insuring boundaries and rules are followed. Too often submission is mistaken for being a doormat. You are allowed to say no.
Whether you are in a committed relationship with your Dom like I am or it is a casual arrangement where you are not the only one it is imperative that you look out for yourself. First and foremost you need to enjoy yourself as well. This is as much about your pleasure as it is his/hers. A Dominant knows that by allowing them total control over you and your pleasure you are giving them a great deal of power. But they are giving you power too. It takes a great deal of self-control to be a Dom. To be able to reign in ones urges and instincts in a session ( although it is fun to let them come out). In order to ensure your safety they must be in control at all times and aware of how things are playing out. AT NO POINT SHOULD YOU BE FEARFUL OF YOUR MASTER. More often than not a Dom puts their pleasure second to yours to guarantee a safe session. This can be extremely difficult especially if the submissive is unaware of how hard she/ he is being used or if they are not sure of their pain tolerance/ limits. These are often known as hard limits and your Dom should never try and surpass these. And despite what you may think, everyone has them.
My Master has had to stop several sessions because I could not tell that I was bleeding and chaffed from the restraints or I wasn’t breathing properly. If at any point your Dom ignores this, does not respect the safe word or refuses to respect your boundaries it is vital that you leave immediately. There is no joy in being with someone who is abusive and who doesn’t recognize what a valuable gift you are giving them.A Dom gets their pleasure from controlling yours, not withholding it.
You are their prize/ trophy, you should be treated as such. Anytime a session involves pain or discipline there needs to be a period of time when your Dom attends to you. Whether that means massaging your arms and legs where the restraints were, to applying a balm to areas inflamed by spanking or paddling. It is important that you are looked after.
Discuss boundaries before getting involved in anything. It is not a free for all for your Master to do as they please whenever they please. Communicate what it is you are looking for from this relationship and find out what they want as well. My Master knows that I dislike any form of public humiliation and so my punishments are carried out once we are home. I enjoy the anticipation of waiting to be disciplined by Him and it makes it that much more pleasurable. There is no right or wrong way to go about this. You need to discover what you like and dislike. Your Dom should respect this and follow it.
***** This is my opinion and what I think is important. Communication and respect is the biggest thing to look for*****
Not everyone will understand your lifestyle choice and that’s ok. Unfortunately there is still so much stigma surrounding BDSM. Too many people assume it is a world of torture or abnormalities. When talking to your friends or family ( should you choose to ) it is important to clarify what being a submissive means to you. It is not necessary to go into details about your actual sex life (unless you feel the need to ). Explain why you chose to pursue that lifestyle, how it makes you feel, what aspects interest you. The most common question I get is why? Why I allow someone to control me, hurt me. I explain to them that my Dom doesn’t hurt me in the same way that they think He does. The pain he inflicts as punishment is within the boundaries of what I can handle and is never used without reason. I gain pleasure from it and my Dom knows this. He is controlled in everything that He does to me. And in return I serve Him and allow Him to take charge.
Be open to questions ( you will get a lot of them) and dont be upset by their reactions. This is a taboo world you have entered and not everyone will be able to accept that.
1. Always refer to Him as “Master” or “Sir”
2. Respond ” Yes, sir” “No Master”
3. When alone with him at home lingerie or sexy attire that He has deemed appropriate must be worn along with collar, leash and heels
4. At all times be ready and willing to serve Him.
5. Whether on my own or with Him every time I have an orgasm I must thank Him verbally ( or by text).
6. When being punished I must thank my Master
7. When He enters a room I must stand until He is seated or tells me otherwise. I must always ensure that he is served before me
8. When wearing my collar or leash I must always obey Him
9. As His pet I must let him know when a scenario has become too much for me or if I need a break ( although He is always attentive and caring He cannot read my mind). This is when a safe word must be used.
- The night we decided to begin our dom/ sub relationship my Master issued his first command. A text reading: If you are serious then remove your panties before dinner and show them to me. Master. I immediately felt a rush of excitement. I knew him well enough to know that if I did not obey I would quickly be punished for it. Slipping into my work bathroom I removed my panties and put them in my purse and left work. The feeling of walking downtown in a dress completely bare thrilled me and I couldn’t wait to show Master. Reaching the restaurant I walked in and slipped into the booth across from him. Before he could ask me I discreetly opened my purse and showed him what was hidden there. The smile he gave me was well worth it. ” Good job Pet, very good job”. He reached for my hand and gently stroked it with his thumb sending chills along my spine. Master took the liberty of ordering my dinner for me, from the wine to how my steak was cooked. We discussed the rules for our relationship and what we wanted from each other. As we left the restaurant he placed a hand on the back of my neck leading me out, signalling I belonged to him.
I couldn’t wait……..